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Declutter toxic people - 1st March 2019
This might sound a bit extreme, "decluttering people", whatever next?
Please bear with me. My approach to decluttering is holistic. Therefore I recommend decluttering anything that prevents you from living your life in the way you would choose for your optimum wellbeing. This is what brings me to the subject of "people".
The majority of my clients are women. Many have been brought up to be "nice" women and this was also my own background.
It sounds fine, doesn't it? To raise a daughter to be a nice woman?
Unfortunately if this aspect of your upbringing was over emphasised you have probably matured into what is known as a "people-pleaser". That is someone who puts eveyone else's needs before your own. Someone who measures their own wellbeing by how well they have treated others, perhaps?
I am writing about myself here, by the way
I was that people-pleasing woman. I don't doubt that this trait was in part responsible for the onset of my adrenal exhaustion in 2015. If you recognise yourself, then consider, what has been the pay-off for your people-pleasing? How has your health been impacted?
This people-pleasing goes deeper than just the habitual "yes" in response to any request. In my case, and that of many others it has meant that we have tolerated bad behaviour from certain individuals - and kept going back for more! This includes rudeness, cruel comments, angry outbursts and so on. We put up with these people because we feel sorry for them at some level. We let them off the hook because we want to be nice and are not comfortable with asserting our own needs.
Sometimes these people show up as friends
That sounds unbelievable at some level, doesn't it? Who would tolerate unkind behaviour from someone considered to be a friend? Well I have most certainly done that. Maybe you have too?
I have had to do a lot of work on myself and read a lot of books before realising what was under my own nose. Just recently someone I had known for little short of 20 years was incredibly unkind to a mutual friend. I realised immediately that this was the point where I had to draw a line. I needed to exclude this person and her negative energy from my life. It felt awkward, but it felt right. Many times I had been in the firing line myself, but I had stuck with the status quo. I didn't want to rock the boat. I was a nice person!
Now, when I look back over those years of what I had thought was friendship I realise how deluded I had been. I was shocked when I remembered what I had put up with on multiple occasions.
It was important for me to assert my boundaries. It feels good to know that I won't just put up with anything. I feel lighter in the knowledge that this person is out of my life. It may sound harsh, but this is about putting my wellbeing first.
Do you have someone in your life who is having a toxic impact on your wellbeing?
If you want to know more about holistic decluttering and how it can help you, please call me on 07850 580802.
Keywords: people, holistic