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Rules that hold you back - 9th February 2022
Does life feel like an uphill struggle?
Do you feel like you will never be able to have what it is you really want?
Do you just feel stuck?
Have you ever thought about the rules you live by?
I suggest you give this some thought as I recently realised that some of my rules were stopping me from writing my book! I know this is something I am meant to do and that doing it will bring me a huge sense of joy. It's a dream I've had since I was about ten years old in fact.
The rules I uncovered AND broke
I began to realise that I was giving time to projects and activities that were keeping me from fulfilling my purpose.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to write a book! I want to get on with it and finish it and share it with readers. Writing is a pleasurable activity for me, but it is time consuming. It's not something that can be done in a trice. Despite knowing all this I had not considered my weekly commitments because it felt like they were things I couldn't change.
Gradually I began to wake up to my own reality. This was amplified by the problem I had with dry eyes which drastically limited time I could spend on a screen. It was as though the Universe was trying to get me to see how I was squandering precious time.
The first thing I did was to leave a writing group of which I was a founder member. I'd been there since 2006 and never imagined leaving it. Gradually the realisation crept up on me, all the time I remained I was writing pieces for group projects when what was in my heart was to write my book! So I left. It was poignant, but not the end of the world. I broke the, "stick with things until the bitter end" rule and I had to think long and hard to understand how it had lodged in my brain. I think it's a bit of a "don't rock the boat" kind of rule. There's also aspects of "be grateful for what you have" and "leaving is risky, you might end up alone" is possibly in there as well. Staying in a long established group as opposed to writing my own book, by myself, well, the former is safety, isn't it? My mother was obsessive about safety so that's no great surprise really. Just notice how it pops up though in unexpected places.
Then I turned my attention to work related activities.
First to go was The Sharing Circle which I'd been running on Zoom since the beginning of Covid Lockdown in the UK. I had a small band of regular attendees but some weeks I had just one person show up. I was putting in time to support other people with a sense of community but it was depriving me of time. Setting up the Zoom links and sending invitations on Facebook, were part of the time equation and the meeting itself lasted about 40 minutes. Goodbye to well over an hour every week. It was tough to cancel this as I knew I was disappointing other people. Hence, I was breaking the "put everyone else before yourself" rule.
Once I let go of a few things I had formerly thought to be non-negotiable it became easier and my weekly FB Live on my page began to loom large. What was the benefit to me of doing this? How much time did it consume? Was it actually making a huge difference to the few who took part? I didn't want to give up my FB Lives but now I do them in my group and I do them spontaneously when I have something I want to say! Less preparation and the shocker is - I'm being spontaneous! Defintely quite new behaviour for me.
Why I recommend you follow my lead
Because the action I've taken has left me feeling liberated and lighter!
Because I now have more time to spend on what really matters - my book
Because I now feel I can embrace being spontaneous
Because disappointing others to be true to myself was hard but life changing
Because I'm experiencing more joy
Because there is NO joy in the prison of self imposed rules - no matter what they relate to, no matter their origin
If you'd like help to uncover your own hidden self-imposed rules then do get in touch!
Keywords: beliefs, head-clutter, self-worth